Unknown Territory

 Natalie brought up a quote from an August Burns Red song.

"the truth hurts but denial's what will kill you"

Lately the thought of lies, denial, truth, and everything in between have been rolling around in my head like a pin ball in a machine. 

My Brain

I mean if you think about it in any given situation you have three options. 

1. Find out the truth, something once you learn you CAN NEVER give back. When you find the truth everything changes. Your thought process speed up and things will never be as they once were. The healing process however is able to start and you can rip down the walls to build a stronger foundation after the pain subsides or you have the chance to move on with your life.
2. Not seek the truth but live in ignorance. "What they don't know won't kill them" as I have heard a million times before. It also fits together with the saying ignorance is bliss. If you don't know you don't have to worry, you don't have to hurt, you don't have to think, you don't have to over-analyze, you can believe that nothing is wrong even though everything is crumbling around you.
3. Live in ignorance but inevitably find out the truth from some random source. Over time I have found out information from text messages, phone calls, letters, emails, facebook, other people's conversations, or just a plain slip of the tongue. When this happens it is like a kick in the teeth. It is embarrassing. You think to yourself How could I have gone so long without knowing, why did I not catch it, who else knew and never spoke about it, do those people not care about me also, how am I supposed to react, how long have I been ignorant, what else do I not know and do I even want to know. 

How do you mend the broken pieces if you don't know exactly what broke?

 

The really strange thing is... I am in a place of limbo. Some things are good. Some things are bad. Somethings are getting better. Somethings I am moving away from.

______________________________________________________

 

 

I had a dream last night. It was strange. A friend of mine was interested in me in a different way and was very adamant about taking things to the next level. Although tempting I was not interested. I was given a desk. It was bright dark blue. it had drawers and shelves and was the perfect size for my living space. All I was thinking was, "Jesus. Who paints such an awesome dresser such an ugly color. If I strip it I can paint it a color that will work better for me" Then my friend went out front with the double doors open and started smoking on the porch. My dad was at his computer where he always is and was like "What the hell is that?" So I told my friend that my dad hates smoke. 

Then I woke up. Not a very significant dream with battles or anything epic like that. It was weird none the less. 

WHO DREAMS ABOUT DESKS?!?! Not to mention I want to know why this friend was in my dream in the first place but I think the desk relates back to my craft itch. 

Even my friends make fun of me jokingly. "Megan look. Crafts!" [Bwhahahaha]

I want to be a stay at home person. I have enough outlets with the people I know [whom are all awesome by the way] I have friends in different age groups, social class, etc... I would not go crazy like most people at home do I would be able to form networking groups and creep my way up the crafty business chain of command. 

Talking and planning is one of my strong points. It is committing and doing that I am not so great at. This idea I have has been twirling inside my head for months now. Plus, with each month I could use my extra spending cash as an investment to start new projects. So instead of partying I could be using the money as a step closer to a goal I have set.

• Scented Heat Bags
• Resin Jewelry
• Soap
• Candles
• Custom Etched Glass
• Earring holders
• Vintage clothing

Plus if I ever get to spend some time with my mom... she is a NINJA beader. She comes up with extremely awesome jewelry which if I learn her tricks of the trade there is another outlet. [Or I can just sell her jewelry to get people on my site.]  Which SPEAKING OF SITE. My co-worker is a graphic designer. I have mentioned website design and although she normally charges like $3,000 for a full site [crazy right] She said she makes sites for friends and family for free. So I could skip etsy.com and just go straight to my own website... I am sort of getting ahead of myself. But yes. I have ideas and I need to put them into action.

______________________________________________________

Ashley and Adam are moving to England. I am sad because Ashley is one of two long time girlfriends [Logan is just all over the place.] and she will no longer be just the next town over... but I am excited because not only is she starting a new page of her life but she is going to FREAKING ENGLAND. Oh you don't even know how jealous I am. I love the United Kingdom, I love the values, the culture, the accent, the diversity, the customs, the ideals, their fashion, and their shops. I love their music and their television. 

I got a passport JUST so I could go to Europe. Everything is so connected there.  I have no stamps in my passport and I received it in 2006.

Anyways. With Ashley and Adam in England and Ashleigh and Aman in Germany I now have people to visit when I go. I am planning on taking two weeks off next year and flying out.The excitement is building. I am thinking May or maybe a bit later.

______________________________________________________