[If you were recently married, are getting married, or have been married for awhile... I am not talking about YOU. This is just a blog about my personal thoughts that sprouted up from a bar conversation]
Lets Get Personal:
Once upon a time... I refused the thought or even talk about marriage. I figured I would forever just be in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship and not have to deal with the legal crap that comes with a divorce [Divorce runs in my family.] Well, after a 7 ½ year off and on relationship there came a point in that relationship that I was ready and willing to get married. After many discussions and thinking I could spend the rest of my life with that person. It took the last year for me to REALLY get into it. I had planned our life, our wedding, and what would happen. THE FUNNY THING ABOUT IT is the entire year that I was all goo-goo ga-ga over getting married... was the year that we fell apart. I was SO focused on our future, that the relationship itself failed. Irony I guess you could say.
Seems like people don't appreciate what they have until it is gone
It has been over a year since we have split... currently I believe he is happy in a relationship and has gotten on the road of getting what he wants out of life. I am genuinely happy for him. He will always be my best friend and I know that if in a bind I could call him or he could call me and we would help each other through any situation... but we were toxic in a romantic relationship. I was trying to make him be someone he wasn't and he was doing the same to me.
So if I had accepted his marriage proposal we would have continued to be the same people we weren't. I would be drowning in an attempt to be "perfect" and he would be trying to go out and get his fill of "excitement"
"You know I don't understand why people are sympathetic for a break-up... obviously it is a reason to celebrate. It wasn't like 'Oh we are so happy let's break up' There was something wrong"
The point is, getting married would not fix the relationship. It would just require legal documentation for a break-up. Marriages DO NOT FIX RELATIONSHIPS. [oh yeah... babies don't either... just saying]
Onto the general aspect:
So you have this push to get married and have babies. Honestly though the average lifespan is WAAAAAY more than it use to be. Why rush into something?
Anyways. Let's move back for a second. Before you get married, you are in a relationship. You meet someone you find them funny and attractive. You have to go through this whole getting to know each other stage. That... awkward uncomfortable "Oh god I hope I don't have anything in my teeth" stage. So you go through that stage and find out more about the person and then you move into the relationship part. Then you have the check-in's and cuddle at home and watch movies in sweat pants stage. From their you become more comfortable... yet, you still find things out about the person that are not exactly what you expected. Walls come down, the past presents itself, and the make-it or break-it comes out. Sometimes this stage doesn't happen until you move in together. I mean people do some really weird stuff. [this is just a general outline... doesn't always play out that way... especially since my current relationship has been so ass backwards it isn't even funny. lol We were friends then moved in together then got into a relationship. lol]
I know a lot of my single friends are going through this NOW OR NEVER feeling and settling for people that may or may not be good for them... It all takes time. Recently I have discovered that it is not about the past, it is not about the future, it is ALL about right now. I finally am in something that I am happy with... I am not counting on the future and I am not dwelling on what has happened in past relationships. I am just here right now and he makes me happy and I want to make him happy. It is the simplest feeling I have ever felt and it has never been more awesome.
Last time I was in Reno I had this rough night where I broke off from the group I was with and went to this little hotel bar and sat there getting HAMMERED by myself. One of the other people from the group found me sitting at the bar and sat down where I had this "FUCK RELATIONSHIPS AND FUCK GUYS FUCK GIRLS AND FUCK THIS AND FUCK THAT AND I AM GOING TO BE SINGLE FOREVER AND I WILL HAVE MY OWN DAMN BABY BY MY OWN DAMN SELF I WILL BE A SINGLE PARENT REGARDLESS AND FUCK WHAT ANYONE THINKS ABOUT IT BECAUSE I AM ANGRY AT THE WORLD" Yep. Angry sad panda Megan [who definitely has a potty mouth] The guy sat with me trying to change my view, saying that I would find someone and I would be okay and that all is good in the world. Well, after the lies and bullshit that came with the last guy I was seeing... I came to the point where I am now. I am genuinely happy and although I am not counting my chicks before they hatch. Things will be okay for me.
It is hard to believe you will be okay after a break-up or when you are single... but everything comes full circle you just have to leave the past hurt behind you. It is a new thing and you cannot treat the new person as you treated the old person.
Learn from your mistakes but don't carry them around like a battle axe, because you will only cut off your own limbs.
I get so sidetracked while typing that my brain cannot process all the information in a smooth moving blog. There is more I wanted to say but it got lost in the past and the present and everything else.
The main point of this was marriage is about loving someone with all their flaws being able to communicate effectively and depend on one another for support. A relationship is not about flowers and cute text messages but about the friendship that is deeper and more personal than any other. It is about having someone who can love you for who you are and even with disagreements and fights. It is about teamwork trying to push forward in life all the while stopping to enjoy the little moments. It is about little gestures and late night discussions. It is about the good and the bad and the crazy. It is about the both of you and the balance that you can find from having each other.