Underestimate Peoples Misery While Overestimating Their Happiness

When you put all your cards on the table, it is much easier to lose your money. 

I keep over-thinking everything. It is to the point where I plan so much during the weekend and then have a hard time controlling it. I am trying to stop that.

Plan for This weekend

• After work meet Brian at Barnes, check my schedule.
• Go home.
• Do homework
• Take my car to Tiffany's T4W

• Ride my motorcycle to Dixon
• Spend a majority of the day at Renegade Rendezvous
• Attempt to sell my motorcycle

• Possibly work at Barnes
• Stay home and do homework

Exciting right? I am just out of control with planning, planning, planning. I never give myself time to just figure out something to do. Megan does not do down time. There are no moments where I sit and think... hm. What should I do now? It's like every second needs some kind of task or plan. It is sick really.

I just need to take a second to be able to do nothing.

I don't mind putting my "ish" on blast. I am looking for therapy. I need help to sort out my thoughts. It's like my brain carries an automatic weapon of thoughts and just shoots the place up all the time. I am constantly trying to correct things and analyze things.

Life is good to me. I have a dad who was willing to take his 24-year-old daughter back in, I have a car, I have manageable debt, I have a job [Technically 2], I am able to go to college, I have a WHOLE bunch of AWESOME people as friends, I have a great bond with my mother now, I have a little sister who is totally ride or die, and I am capable of doing many things. 

Sometimes it is just hard to handle the past. [The past is something that creeps up and SMACKS YOU IN THE BACK OF THE HEAD as Logan would say "KAPOW"] I need help in the ways of my relationships, the ways of dealing with negative energy from the past and from not being taught how to control my explosive anger and my non-ability to have balance. I am known for my Stage 5 Clinger abilities. It's like I have a hard time being a girlfriend and having my own life... which I know is totally unhealthy. 

Today is a bad day. It started out bad. I woke up in an irritable mood. Then I come to work and find out people are doing things that involve me without confirming it first. Bad days are not my friends. However, I think it is because I don't give myself enough time to sleep. I just want to go home and cuddle with Kobe. Whoever says pit bulls are vicious has never cuddled with one. 

I bought my camera. I returned my old one which gave me credit towards the Nikon D3100. I have two lenses, a carrying case, and some tips and tricks DVD's and Books. Here it is in all it's glory I am really excited about it. Pictures come out so much more defined. With pictures I am able to think outside of the box so I am sure my photography skills will be awesome. We received our first REAL assignment. It is titled "Getting to know your camera" we have to take 11 different shots to get use to the camera's abilities. F-stop, shutter speed, zoom, depth of field, etc... I also was able to talk to my professor about my final project idea. He liked it and "looks forward to see how it turns out."