“He was a major part of your life; of course you’ll miss him; it’s perfectly normal. It’s like getting a tooth pulled out; after the dentist pulls it, you’re relieved. But how many times do you run your tongue over the spot where it once was ? Probably a hundred times a day.just because it was hurting you, doesn’t mean you don’t notice it. It leaves a gap, and sometimes you see yourself missing it terribly. It’s going to take a while, but it always takes some time. Should you have kept the tooth? No, because it was causing you pain. Pulling the tooth was the right decision, but it’s still going to hurt.”
I found that on StumbleUpon.com
I think with all the wedding talk and baby bumps and status updates it is starting to eat at my soul a little bit. I guess I just planned things to go differently. I think everyone plans things to go differently at some point or another. Everyone has expectations. Everyone has ideas of what their life should be like or how they want it to go.
I just thought I would be engaged... buying a house... planning on babies. And I think everyone who is in my position would secretly be upset. Writing blogs about how they always thought... [Okay probably not so much that... but hey you never know]
I just put all my pennies in the wrong piggy bank is all. While planning for a family life I should have been focused on my life.
Last night I was thinking. Everyone goes through something, sometimes those things seem identical. "Oh I understand you pain" or "I've been there before" However, it is never the same and the thoughts are never EXACTLY the same. Everyone is different. A snowflake is a snowflake but none of them are the same.
My thoughts about things may be in line with yours but we do not think the same. I have different life experiences and when those life experiences are added up including people I have met and things I have done. We are nothing a like. You are you and I am me. End of story.
What a sad little thought.
I am not sad though. Well maybe a little. It is just changing positions in life seems to be difficult. I am actually quite happy considering. I mean I have so many friends that are like "Megan, come do this" or "Hey you can go with me here" So that is pretty sweet. And I have my own room again which this time I am more prepared for. I have the ideas of what I need my space to look like. The idea that the small space I need to make my own will come together to be a place of peace.
I am looking into making my own earring frame. I also intend to buy this desk.
Granted my space will look much cooler but you get the general idea. I also want to buy a magnetic white board. I may not have a fridge but that does not mean I need to go without my darn Magnets.
"You may not be her first, her last, or her only. She loved before she may love again. But if she loves you now, what else matters? She's not perfect - you aren't either, and the two of you may never be perfect together but if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto her and give her the most you can. She may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break - her heart. So don't hurt her, don't change her, don't analyze and don't expect more than she can give. Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she's not there." - Bob Marley
I am not even interested in dating right now... not even going on one date. Besides my male friends... the thought of men actually sort of disgusts me. Not saying I am going to jump into the pool of lesbians... because I am sure they would accept me with open arms. I just am not interested in anything. I don't want anyone to even get close. Instead of making a earring cage I should make a wooden baseball bat with nails.
Even people hitting on me is pretty disgusting. I guess it is all just too soon. I shouldn't think about it.
What I should be thinking about is going to a Vegan spot in Davis with Connie and her roommate tonight, going to SF to stay with Natalie tomorrow, The Cabin on Saturday, Softball next Tuesday, College starting on Wednesday, the Ladies Only BBQ, and going to the Pinterest Meet-up in Berkeley.
I have ish to do. I have places to be. Eff what you think... I am about to do me.
[Thug life. LOL]
I need to start this journal idea I found. I have a few people interested and I think it will be entertaining to say the least.
=)
ReplyDeleteYour perspective is always your own. You are strong, and right now it seems like you are focusing on yourself, your growth, and your life. That's pretty awesome. And even if you're not doing any of those things, it's ok to be weak, to lose yourself for a little while, and to stagnate (to some degree, of course). You're pretty wonderful.
ReplyDelete