Memories Being Thrown Away

Started a bit before my 24th birthday (which was about 2.5 weeks ago) I have been throwing away items from my past. I guess you could call me a memory pack rat. I have boxes and boxes of letters and cards and pictures and drawings and anything else you can think of. 

I was literally OBSESSED with this guy named Jason Cannady when I was 14. I wrote about him all the time. I had diaries upon diaries of how much I "LOVED" him. 

I threw them all away.

Jason Cannady was a prick. He was 3 years older than I was but had the mental capacity of a 8 year old. I wasted so much time thinking about him. I was going to go into a story but scratch that to much pain behind it and I don't feel like talking about it. All you need to know is that Jason Cannady hurt my self-esteem and my self-worth. I seen him a few years back, we were living at the house on Blue Jay. He was still riding his skateboard and asked if he could come party with us. (we had a case of beer) We lied and said we were not partying. Jason Cannady is one of the reasons that I feel so entitled to owning an adult store geared towards women's sexuality and education. Women should NEVER feel how I felt. Women should work together to make themselves feel as beautiful as they are, not be pitiful creatures begging for some sort of attention. Women are not better than men, but we are damn well their equals. 

Anyways, so going through the things I saved. I almost always have the same feeling everytime I do. It's a feeling of remorse, sadness, and I guess you could call it a broken spirit. I did some extremely dumb shit and I held on to all the evidence I could thinking that one day it would help me or that one day I could use it. This year was the last year I would ever see it again. I sorted through the good and the bad. Scooped up the bad and took it to the dumpster. All the letters, the drawings,  all the negativity - Gone. I made plenty of mistakes but there is NO REASON I should hold on to those things. They are reminders of someone who I am not. They are embarrassing. They are years that I will never be able to share with the children I will have, because I would not want their image of me tainted by something that happened ten years ago. I know that those years are years that have helped shape me into the person I am today and trust me, I am in love with myself. BUT I do wish I could be who I am without causing so much damage. So 2011, the year I turned 24, is the year that I took all of my grief and let it go. Of course the memories will stay but those too I will let fade with time. 

The past helped shaped me but does not make me who I am.

This is some serious babble right here.