I speak, you decided if you want to listen.

I am happy.

I know that life is not always the way I want it to be and there are many things I would like to change (it would be great to have a full fridge, my own home, and a presentable car all while having no debt) but right this very moment I am happy.

For my birthday I was able to see many of my friends. It was nice to be reminded that even though there are times we don't speak as often as I would like, we can jump right back on where we fell off. Throughout my life I have had some not so wonderful friends... people who have hurt me in ways that you would not expect from people you hold dearest. With that pain, came understanding. Just because people are "nice" to you or want to hang out does NOT make them friends. It makes them people you can fill space with, acquaintances. Nothing more than someone different to talk to and bullshit with. It takes time to weed people out, you never know where you will find true friendship. However, I believe that with the friends I have now I have a pack of wolves in a lone wolf territory. I know my friends would be there for me no matter what the problem, no matter if I needed a shoulder to cry on or a serious laugh, I know I have some REALLY awesome friends. (even the ones that couldn't show. I love them too) 

Mother's day is around the corner. My mom is one of my best friends. I can talk to her about anything and not feel weird about it. She loves me just the way I am.

ANYWHO. So this year I wanted to do something special for her. I made the personalized card but I also made her a coffee mug with pictures of Me, Amy (my sister), Jayden (Amy's son), and Chris. I tell her every time I talk to her that I am proud of everything she is striving for and that I love her very much. But I just wanted to give her something a little extra to make sure she knew how much her struggle to get clean meant to me. Although I will not get to spend the time with her on Mother's day....  this summer I will do my best to make it up many times to spend quality time with her. 

... [ Which this is somewhat of a strange thought. But I want to get a video of us. Something happy. Because a friend of mine just lost her mom. It makes my heart hurt to think about never hearing her or seeing her again. I think I need to buy a video camera just to record all the people I love in my life so I can have them with me, even if they leave me. ] 


Whew, that is a sad thought. Moving forward.


So I have been making plans like a mad woman, I always have something to do it's a strong/weak point (there is an oxymoron for ya!) I will bullet them out for easier sorting.

• My dad's fiance, Angie, text me today and said "Dad and I want you to make the toast for us at the wedding" For some reason it made me a little emotional. I guess it was somewhat of something I could have foreseen... especially since I am the "best man" in the wedding but it made me excited and happy. I already have ideas but I know I will have the best toast and I will probably cry. 
• Natalie and I were FB chatting today (and I know you probably will read this so it is somewhat weird talking about you as if you weren't but I am going to anyways. muhahaha) and going back and forth about important things, random things, new things, and old things. It was a long ongoing conversation but nevertheless was quite interesting. So we had talked about flying somewhere... but things got crazy and it does not seem as though it will work out the way it was intended. SO instead we are going to plan Natalie's Birthday Weekend Extravaganza. Yes, epicness will ensue. I have so many idea's and plans and things that we could do that would make her (weird to say if you are reading... no really. lol) have the most memorable birthday weekend ever. 
• Chris and Amy have birthday's coming up at the end of July, it will be Amy's 21st so I want to do something AWESOME for her too... however, I do not want any drunk driving involved... period. SO I am in the works of something totally drive free!

Besides the big plans. Weekend plans are much simpler. Can't wait to get "to-do" items taken care of!