Random As I Can Be...

So I seen a friend of mine who is completely and 100% my push. I know she would deny it but she is the person who knows how I feel about my goal in life... At some point in my life I decided I wanted to be a Sexologist to promote healthy sexual behaviors and education for women. WELL GUESS WHAT! She met someone who found classes... San Francisco Sexual Information Training. It happens twice a year and you have to go through an interview process that lasts anywhere from 90-120 minutes. The tuition is based on a sliding scale so I could technically take the classes for only about $300 but all the way up to $800. The applications aren't available yet... but will be soon. I may never own an adult store but I will have the education to help others understand themselves and others to prevent absurd judgements and untangle the web of taboo that covers sexuality for not only women but for men too. [I still find it absolutely insane that the sex education is predominantly porn for men and pretty much fairytales for women... and we wonder why everyone has such a difficult time.]

The Holidays. IT'S ALMOST OVER! I have actually had a wonderful time with the holidays this year. I don't expect much and then it is like "WOW WHAT A GREAT TIME" I know two things for sure. I absolutely love my family. They know I am off my rocker but they love me anyways. <3 Also I love my friends... just being able to have a little one on one time with some of them made Christmas eve totally worth it. Now if I can just make it through new years that would be lovely. It's been two years since New Years day where I broke a mirror, bled everywhere, cauterized the wound on a tail pipe but failed, then bled even more. This past new years I was not breaking things... but definitely don't remember a lot of it. I spend New Years Eve with my little sister every years so I keep my drinking to a minimum as to protect her... then New Years Day I just drink until I don't exactly know what I am doing... then feel like shit the next day. It really doesn't make much sense. SO this year I am going to keep my tradition with Amy but break the New Years Day chaos of being completely annihilated. Baby steps.

One day when I was super bored I was just sitting there picturing what I want my life to be like and this is what I thought up:

• I want a house with a wrap around porch, clean but vintage.
• If the house isn't the way I want it when I buy it I want to be a part of the remodeling... yes. I want to play with power tools too. 
• I want the house decor to be darker colors like reds, greens, but with light wood accents. I know it sounds weird.. but I have seen it done. Kind of cabin-esk. "Homey"
• I want land. Not an insane amount... but enough to ride a quad on, have chickens, and a garden AND bees. 
• I want to live far enough from my neighbors but close enough to town. 
• I want trees and a creek. 
• I want a dog and a fenced in yard so the dog cannot run off. 
• I want a garage that is big enough for not only work to be done but a place to hang out and drink beer. I don't think I will ever not love beer. lol.
• I want a craft room inside... big enough to where I could store the many different required tools of the many different things I want to learn to do. 
• I want a guest bedroom so I could have people stay the night after drinking too many beers in the garage. Or maybe have a granny flat over the garage? 
• I want to have people over for dinner and weird games like pictionary.

Holiday Hell

Over the years the holidays have become less and less important to me. I mean, I enjoy what it is meant to be about... getting together with the family and seeing friends. Spending time with people you love and showing them how much you appreciate them with gifts. 

However, why don't we do this year round? I mean you have Thanksgiving... then a month later you have Christmas... then a week later you have new years. Then you spend the rest of the year waiting for it to come back around again. Even as a kid, when my parents were still married... I remember waking up Christmas morning opening presents... playing with the toys and then... that was it. ALL THE ANTICIPATION JUST TO GET STUFF. We didn't really have any type of family tradition. I've always been jealous of people who did things... like played board games... etc... Quality family time because no one had work. 

Even on that sense... when I was in a long term relationship there was SO MUCH PRESSURE. We would have to hit all these houses because we both were from broken homes. Run run run run... then nothing. It's kind of disappointing. 

If I ever have a family I think what I am going to do it just warp the whole system. A friend of mine mentioned on Facebook how she does not tell her kids about Santa Claus because it teaches them to lie... but she teaches them Christmas is about Jesus... Another friend did the same thing with her kids... her reasoning was because her mom asked for red roller skates for Christmas as a child and instead since her family was poor at the time she got something small and her cousin got the red roller skates she had wanted... she felt disappointed... was she not good enough that year for Santa to bring her something she wanted? There will always be good years and there will be bad years. 

My nephew currently is SPOILED. He gets an insane amount of stuff... each year the stuff will become more and more expensive and he will not appreciate those "Things" as much. I work my ASS off for a paycheck that is gone before I can even pretend to save... he gets so much stuff the value of it goes down and will be thrown in a pile of all the other things he has gotten. [His grandma on his dad's side wants to buy him a cell phone. Jayden is 6.] 

So back to my warped idea. Maybe break Christmas up over the 12 months of Christmas. LOL. Pick a day out of the month and do a family get together where everyone hangs out eats and just enjoys the company of each other? I don't know... the "Want" that happens with Christmas disgusts me, I still feel it even as an adult. I want people to buy me stuff... but I mean I want things that are out of control... like a new computer, a new phone, new tires, new boots, new new new new new new. -_- We are programed. I want to spend time with my family but I feel bad. I cannot buy everyone nice things or even things they really need. It is just something that they can use and I will be able to give them so I don't look like an asshole. 

It is a pressured holiday... especially for broke bitches like me. Then you have the guilt if someone buys you something and you don't get them something... or if you do a gift exchange and your gift isn't as great as the one you gave... or visa versa. Pretty fucking sick. Greed and vanity. 

Anyways if you want to read a funny blog check out Christine's